Wednesday, November 5, 2014

51 thoughts every mother has about a rare night out.


1. God I'm so sick of this shit. All I do is cook and clean and look after children. No one appreciates me.

2. What I need is a night out.

3. I wonder what the girls are doing on Saturday...

4. Mashed banana on the sofa?! Are you kidding me? Right that's it. I'm going to organise a big girls night. Get the hell out of here for awhile. Have some fun.

5. They said yes! I can't wait. This is going to be brilliant.

6. What will I talk about? I have no news. I know no news. All I can talk about is babies.

7. I really don't want to be one of those women who only talk about babies.

8. It'll be fine. I'll just listen to all their news. Everyone likes a good listener.

9. What will I wear?

10. Jesus my stomach isn't really that size is it?

11. I'm sure I heard someone say double denim was back in again...

12. Shite. Taxi is in 30 minutes and I haven't even fed the baby yet.

13. I remember when getting ready to go out was part of the fun... Bath, blow dry, music, wine...

14. OK fuck the bath, where are the wet wipes?

15. 20 minutes?!

16. This was a terrible idea.

17. What about my poor babies? Will they be ok without me?

18. I don't want to go.

19. Ok well I'm out now so I might as well try to enjoy myself.

20. I'll just ring once to make sure everything's ok.

21. Everything's ok.

22. But is it really? They wouldn't tell me even if it wasn't would they?

23. I need another drink to relax.

24. A double? Well why not.

25. Actually this is nice. It's good to reconnect with old friends.

26. They all look great though. I look like shit.

27. Oh another drink! Good idea.

28. Wow I love this music.

29. We should totally do this every month.

30. I love my friends.

31. Or even every week!

32. Nothing beats a good night out. Why did I not do this sooner?! This is exactly what I needed.

33. Shit. I think I just spent the last hour talking about my babies. Now they all think I'm really boring.

34. Must prove I'm not boring.

35. Yes! Lets dance on the table!

36. I am THE BEST fun!

37. Ouch. Falling off tables is actually really sore.

38. I looked damn hot up there though.

39. Why do I have to get in the taxi?

40. Where's my other shoe?

41. They all hate me.

42. Oh thank God I'm home. I missed my babies so much.

43. I wonder if they're still awake...

44. Once I try every key I've ever owned in this lock here I'll go up and see them.

45. Oh look! They are so gorgeous when they're sleeping. Who needs stupid nights out when you have this?

46. Actually that cot looks really cosy.

47. I wonder if I could just squeeze in there beside him...

48. Why is someone jumping on my head?

49. 6am?! Are you fucking joking?

50. I think today may actually be the day that I die.

51. I am never, ever, ever, ever doing this again.

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