Stampy. Stampy Cat. Stampy long nose. Stampy long head. Stampy and Squid.
If you know what I'm talking about then all I can say is - I'm sorry. I understand. We can get through this together.
You see my kids have taken me on a journey in recent months - through the world of Minecraft with a guy called Stampy. Here's how it started and where we are now.
'What do you mean you're watching someone else play Minecraft?'
'Do you know him?'
'So it's a video...'
'And you're not actually playing...'
'You're watching a video of someone you don't know playing Minecraft...'
'I don't get it'.
Ok so I will never, ever, ever understand the appeal - but I get that they like to watch it. Our kids are meant to like things we don't properly get aren't they? Fine. I have normal kids.
I'm sure one more hour watching won't hurt. I mean it's just the same as them watching TV isn't it? And it's all very innocent. He's a bit like a children's TV presenter really.
Thank God for Stampy. Or Stampy Cat. Or Stampy Longnose. Or whatever he's called today. That's work done, dinner on, kitchen cleaned - and zero fighting. I love you Stampy.
Really? Do you have to watch that in here? Now? Haven't you seen them all yet? You have been watching for 4,327 hours... It's just his voice. It's starting to grate on my nerves. Could you just stick some headphones on?
NO!! *child falls off sofa in surprise* Off, off, off! Turn it off or get out. OUT I said! I don't care if you ARE wearing headphones! I can still hear him! That stupid God-damn voice. I can't take it any more. That's it! We are done! Either Stampy goes or I do.
Hey, what do you mean 'see you later..'?