Thursday, June 18, 2015

10 stereotype dads you probably know

Ah Father's Day. The day when we remember our own Dad and also celebrate that special guy in our children's lives. So in, erm, honour of all of them - here's a run down of some that you might have met at the school gate recently...

1. Reluctant Stay-at-Home Dad
He’s there every day, but he’s not happy about it. Keep a wide berth or you will have to listen to how hard it is to be him and you’ll end up minding his kids while he goes for a nap.
2.  DIY Dad
Wears a timing belt around his trousers and farts nails. Pen always stuck behind ear and constantly infuriatingly whistling under his breath.  Was told at school that he’d come to nothing and now lives in the biggest house in town. Which he built himself
3. Hipster Dad
Previously known as Trendy Dad, before it became untrendy to be trendy. Drowns out the noise of his kids with large headphones. His uniform of jeans, t-shirt, and Converse is never to be messed with. Just don't mention his bald patch.
4.  Doting Dad
Went to every antenatal class with his darling wife and gave up alcohol for the duration of the pregnancy in sympathy. Talks about little Matilda constantly and shares how advanced she is for her age with anyone who is unlucky enough to make eye contact.
5. Alpha Dad
Will be sending James and Jilly to the best fee-paying school in the county as soon as they get out of this substandard local primary. What is the matter with all the teachers anyway? Since when do art and fun matter in education? And don’t talk to him about all those non-English speakers who are wasting his children's precious resources. Fortunately, only brings his fat belly to the gate when the Spanish au pair quits in disgust.
6. "I’m not a Dad" Dad
Ah no, sure I’m not a Dad. I just happened to be passing by. It’s a school you say? Oh, I didn’t know that. The child waving to me and calling, "Goodbye, Daddy"? Never seen him before in my life
7. Enthusiastic Dad
Like an overexcited puppy on speed. Try to high-five me and I’ll stab you with a pencil.
8. Mammy’s Boy
Now don’t tell Mammy he’s doing the drop-off again. Sure she knew that Sinead one was nothing but a lazy lardass the minute her precious Brian first brought her home. Doesn’t deserve him of course, he could have done so much better. But would anyone listen to Mammy? Oh no, and now look at him. Picking up and dropping off like his balls were part of the ill-fated  wedding package. 
9.   Triathlon Dad
Rocks up to the school gate with one kid on the handlebar of his very expensive bike and the other riding behind.  Wears reflective Oakley sports shades and little else. You try to avert your gaze but... The. Shorts. Are. Just. Too. Tight….
Shit. He caught you.
10 .  Dad You Secretly Fancy
Only turns up when you forgot to set the alarm and had to do the school run with your pajamas on under your jeans.
Of course, if you are reading this and are male, you are none of these, you are No. 11 - Perfect Dad.
Happy Father's Day!

More: Stereotype Mums at the School Gate
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