Monday, March 30, 2015

10 stereotype mums at the school gate

Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Usually they are an exaggeration of a nugget of truth, and stereotype mums are no different.

And now that it's the school holidays I think I'm brave enough to post this.

So how many of these have you spotted at the school gate?
1. PA Mum
Runs the school. You spend every drop-off and collection hiding from her in case she asks you to bake scones for the upcoming fundraiser. Always with clipboard in hand, she is admired and feared in equal measure.
2. Celtic Tiger Mum
Can’t quite get over the fact that her starter home turned out to be her forever home due to astronomic negative equity. Dresses her little darling in pinafores from Zara and Next because this was how it was supposed to be, God damn it! Hides her shopping bags and maxed-out credit cards from her knackered husband.
3. Glam Mum
Glam Mum always looks immaculate, with her twice-weekly blow dry and perfectly applied makeup. Drives a black 4WD and owns a golden retriever. Friends with Celtic Tiger Mum, who simultaneously hates her and wants to be her.

Me on the school run...

4. Keep-Fit Mum
Always in lyrca and still manages to look good. Bitch.
5. As Gaeilge Mamaí
Tá sí go hálainn ar fad! And isn’t little Fiachra so lucky to have a Mamaí who chats to him as gaeilge whenever anyone else is in listening distance?
6. Crusty Mum
With baby in a rainbow sling and another child trailing behind her in handknitted jumper and wellie boots, Crusty Mum is at one with her life. Tells you how much Willow loves to eat her delicious lentil and quinoa hotpot for lunch but secretly feeds her white-bread sandwiches after school. Exclusive to Educate Together school gates.
7. Working Mum
AKA late mum. Can be seen running down the road in heels five minutes after the bell has gone.
Knows all the children in the class by name and is practically best friends with the teacher. Stays on to help with arts and crafts in the mornings and randomly turns up with cupcakes for everyone. SAHM seems to be on top of it all, but is inwardly screaming 'HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?? I USED TO DO SHOTS IN BARS AND HAVE INAPPROPRIATE SEX WITH STRANGERS!'
9. Best Mum
Because she's better than all of you. She knows it, you know it, let's just leave it there.
10.  You
Because really you're a little bit of all of them.

This blogpost originally appeared on and is JUST A JOKE. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. *cough*
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