Thursday, January 15, 2015

8 Confessions of a Disorganised Mother

One I made  earlier

I know, I know - you can't believe it right? Surely I am a haven of organisation and logic in this world of chaos? All those walks in the fresh air...All those smoothies..All those travel expeditions...

Well yes. They are all real - it's just that they don't show the trail of destruction they (or rather I) leave behind. Fancy reading a post about how messy my kitchen can be before I actually roll up my sleeves and start tidying? Nah - didn't think so.

However I am willing to impart some inside information that comes with being a disorganised mother - so whether you are one or think you know one - here it it:

1. Our car reveals our secret.
Want to know if someone is a disorganised mother? Take a stealth peek into their car on the school run. My own car admonishes me every time I get into it. 'Look at this filth! You should be ashamed of yourself!' And I am - really. Just not enough to actually do anything about it. Sometimes the admonishment comes in the very real voice of one of the children's friends. 
'Wow. Your car is really messy....'
Said in a voice which is a mixture of awe and disgust. 
The other week I did actually get shamed into clearing it out properly. From memory the contents included: One cardboard Christmas wreath made in school (now ripped), one chip wrapper, a toy car, two broken pencils, one black glove, one red glove, a McDonald's box troll toy, various sweet wrappers, three water bottles and a sports sock.

2. Email reminders
Multiple times I day I will email myself reminders of things I need to do. Then, seconds later, I hear a ping in my mailbox and I jump on it wondering what it can be. Invariably it is my own idiotic disorganised self.

3.Our laundry pile
Not only have we never seen the bottom of the laundry basket - but the stuff at the top often comes back out again for another wear. Frequently we can be found picking a dirty tracksuit out of the pile on a Monday morning when the weekend managed to get the better of us.

4. School
Most people do one school run in the morning. Not us. You can usually find us screeching up to the gates again at 9.30 with the forgotten lunch, PE kit, homework....

5. Dinners are not always planned.
Sometimes we have good weeks. We meal plan on a Sunday, shop on a Monday and breathe a great big sign of relief every other day for the rest of the week. 'Why can't we do this every week?' - we ask ourselves. The very next week will see us searching the fridge to see what goes with baked beans, and then realising that we don't actually have any bread in. Or beans for that matter.

6. Our filing system
Generally all post goes in a big pile on the kitchen counter, which sits there making you feel guilty and sapping away your energy until you can no longer bare it. At this point you bring it upstairs and it sits on your work desk making you feel guilty and sapping away your energy until you can no longer bear it. Finally when you get stopped at a check point and your car tax and insurance is two months out of date you realise that you really do need to get your shit together. Now if only you could find your drivers license...

7. Handbags and Housework
Generally pretty much everything in our lives follows the same path as our car. Our wardrobes are overflowing with clothes we never wear, our handbags are bursting with useless crap, our floors need a good scrub, our dusters are rarely used and we do not own an iron.

8. We are silently judging you too.
If you are an organised mother you may well be watching us and silently judging. Shaking your head and wondering how we can live our lives in this way. Well, a little known fact is that we are silently judging you too. Pristine house? Perfect kids? Filing all up to date? Hmm. Something's not right here.

This is more our style
The truth is we like to think we are 'creative', or 'living in the moment', or too busy having fun, or just generally a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants kind of gal.

But yes, you are right, we are simply disorganised mothers trying desperately to look for an excuse.

Pass me that wine would you?

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