Tuesday, October 8, 2013

How to kill a mosquito.

There are few things more irritating than putting your book down, turning the light out and rolling your tired self over in the bed only to be met with a weeee-uuuu of a mosquito flying past your ear.

Image: How Stuff Works

This has been happening to me a little too frequently of late and I've come to realise that there are usually 7 stages to the midnight mosquito visit...

1. Pretend it's not there.
Lie in the dark and tell yourself it was your imagination, or that it will go away soon. It won't. And you know it. You don't want to know it. But you know it.

2. Mummify yourself
You're too tired to get up so you wrap the bedclothes around you and create a breathing hole at the top. 5 minutes later you are passing out with the heat and kick the covers off in defeat.

3. Flap your arms about in the dark.
You know it's useless, but would he just fuck off!

4. Stand on the bed and clap your hands
Right that's it. You are going to get the bastard this time. You stand on the bed and flick your head from side to side at every sound. You see him! Quick! Get him! clap, clap, clap. You wait. He's gone. You lie down smuggly and turn the light back out. Wee-uuuuu. 

5. Find the mozzie spray
Fine. He's not dead. But he soon will be. You bump off walls and into drawers, arms outstretched in the dark until you find the can of toxic mozzie spray. This'll do it. You spray the room manically then lie down choking on the bed. You wonder can mozzie spray kill humans too.

6  Revert to beginning
The little fecker is indestructable. You give up and pretend to yourself that he will go away soon.

7. And sleep...
...until the morning when you wake up from scratching your legs, arms, face off. The little shit. You'll be ready for him tonight though...

So clearly I'm failing here. Anyone else got any advice?

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