Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Jayne From Mum the Word's Wedding Day Listography

Well who could have known what a can of worms I've opened with this weeks Wedding Day Listography? I hope making you live through those dark wedding day moments hasn't scarred you for life and sent you running for the hills from future lists.

Anyway - one such case has been sent to me from Jayne at Mums the Word, who for family reasons couldn't put her post on her own blog (ie her Mum reads it). So here it is - if you have comments leave them here and not on Jayne's blog. You can also message her on Twitter on @.

In honour of the Royal Wedding, this weeks’ Listography theme is Top 5 Things I'd Change About My Wedding Day. I have plenty to fill that list, so much so in fact, that I’ve chosen not to post it on my own blog but here on Kate’s, to prevent the dredging up of old resentments with my family, who I still don’t think have truly forgiven me for eloping. So here goes.

My Families Reaction
When I told my family I was getting married, their reaction was not what I had hoped for. Yes, we’d only been together six weeks when we got engaged, and yes, we knew it was fast. But I’m not an idiot, I’m not impetuous and Husband is NOT a control freak, or trying to trap me into a life of servitude or degradation...regardless of what my Mum thought at the time. They spent weeks trying to convince me that Hubs had some evil plan and that I should reconsider. They voiced their opinions; I ignored them, which pissed them off even more.

My Sisters’ Demands
When we started to make tentative plans for the wedding, I asked my then-13 year old sister to be my bridesmaid. She said yes and all was well, until we started talking about dresses. I had chosen a simple pink lace prom-style dress for myself, and wanted something equally simple for my sister. But, no. She kicked up a fuss and said that no dresses that I could choose would suit her. She suggested that she wore a white tuxedo, top hat and a pair of Converse Allstars. I said no, she sulked, she told me that she’d only be my bridesmaid is she could choose her own outfit. I said absolutely not, as I didn’t want a fucking carnival walking down the aisle behind me, so she said she wouldn’t be my bridesmaid then. She broke my heart that day.

My Families Demands
When I told my family that the only people who were to be invited would be parents, grandparents, siblings and a handful of friends, we started getting demands of “so, what about So and So..” to which we’d have to constantly reiterate, no, we’re having a SMALL and intimate wedding. (If I’m honest the thought of walking down a long aisle with hundreds of people looking at me turns my stomach.)The final straw was when my family started to force the issue over one particular family member, who for serious reasons that I won’t go into here, I categorically did not want at my wedding, and I also didn’t want to go into why I didn’t want them their either. But the issue got forced, I was made to tell people things that I never wanted to tell anyone, and certain relationships were tainted forever.

This may seem like a weird one, but most women who are getting married look forward to the shopping trips for dresses and shoes and all of the other fun things. I bought my wedding dress after Husband spotted it in the window of Dorothy Perkins and insisted that I try it on. As it turned out, the dress couldn’t have been more perfect, but I still didn’t do all of the shopping with my Mum and Sister that most brides-to-be get to do, which is mainly due to their earlier attitudes. And to this day, I still get it thrown in my face that I didn’t ask my Mum to go shopping with me. Would you have asked someone who was so opposed to your wedding to help you buy a dress?!

The Reaction When We Told Them We Were Eloping
After months of stress and pressure, we were offered some cash to go abroad, and we grabbed it with both hands. When Hubs’ family found out, naturally they were sad that they wouldn’t be there, but they understood that it was what we wanted and gave us their blessing. My family took it as a personal insult and I still don’t think I’ve been forgiven for what they see as the ultimate exclusion.

I feel I should add, as a side note, that my actual wedding day was as close to perfect as it could possibly be. I married the love of my life on a tropical beach with white sand beneath our feet and an azure sea providing the gentle lapping soundtrack to the day. We dined on lobster and champagne under the stars and started our married life in total bliss. I wouldn’t change ANYTHING about the actual wedding, and am glad we have the memories to share with our children and grandchildren. I just wish that the preparations had been slightly different. Okay, very different.


  1. Oh what a story! I hope that family has had a good long think about things. And the way it turned out? Perfect!

  2. They should feel thoroughly ashamed of themselves for doing that to you, how dare they try and spoil your wedding day.

    I'm so pleased that in the end you got what you wanted, your small and intimate wedding.

  3. So glad the final day was wonderful... It can be such a stressful time.

  4. How difficult! It's so sad when family members make it all about them. I'm sending this link to a friend who's having lots of family trouble surrounding her wedding planning. I think it'll encourage her a bit to know that she's not alone.

  5. What a supportive bunch you are! Thanks for the comments - I'm sure they mean a lot to Jayne.

  6. oh you poor thing! But all was not lost it seems and you got the perfect wedding day. And that's enough to say "put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!" [wot? me, vindictive? ;-)]

  7. Thank you all for the lovely comments. It's been hugely cathartic to write this all down and to be honest, I've spent the last 5 years wondering if *I* was the unreasonable one, so it's very nice to know that it wasn't me!

  8. Oh wow. I mean... WOW. What is it about weddings that turn people into such nutters? I don't get it. I can't believe your sister did that, 13 is still old enough to know better.

    At least you know it's a great read for the rest of us! x

  9. I can sympathise as my mum didn't want me to get married either and I planned my wedding on my own. However she did pay for the transport to the venue in the end.
    Why on earth did your sister want to wear a tuxedo for anyways???

  10. Sorry for this one Jayne, but they sound like a family of selfish nutters. It looks like they forgot to respect you there, and all just thought about what they wanted instead. Many families are difficult. However you did the right thing I think, and what a wonderful start to your marriage. Good on you girl, hope it lasts a lifetime.

  11. Wow what a story and how brave to go with your gut instinct, Jayne. I come across so many brides who are completely caught up in the trappings of the wedding and are accommodating everyone's demands that by the time the day comes they are completely miserable. Good for you! May you have many decades of married bliss x

  12. I'm adding my wow to this post. I hope now you realize it wasn't you!?!? I feel a little stressed even thinking about it.

    I admire you for taking a stand and eloping, to avoid a day that, assuredly, would have been filled with anxiety.

    You two look so relaxed and happy in that photo!

  13. So pleased to have found your blog as I am planning my reception as I type, for this July. You have quite a story! That beach looks so beautiful, how perfect!

    I have already had my fair share of drama with my SIL declining to be a bridesmaid so I hope that is all the drama I will have for now!

  14. Oh gosh what a story, it must have been really tough to deal with your family at that time. It certainly was the best thing you could have done eloping, it looked the perfect setting and just the two of you which is all that mattered in the end.

    Thanks for sharing your story, this Listography really has brought up a lot of strong feelings this week.

    :-) x

  15. A superbly written post. Sounds like there were some real family issues at that time but so glad you managed to have a wonderful wedding day regardless. x


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