Thursday, December 9, 2010

When Nativity Plays Go Bad.

Last year my little girl was in her first ever nativity play. Well, I say play, but actually is was just thirty 5 year olds dressed as animals and singing a grand total of three songs. But anyway, it was Christmas, it was in a church, there were fairy lights - so in my mind it just about qualifies.
Things didn't go completely according to plan though. My little sheep was in the back row and got pushed out by her best friend (duck) and a cross between a chicken and a cow. (What his mother was thinking I have no idea). So as I sat in the middle of the audience with a feeling of complete helplessness and watched my first born trying to poke her head through the farmyard animals' shoulders whilst singing with all the over expression of a performing arts graduate, I felt for the first time like one of those over protective mothers in the local play park that I frequently curl my lip at as they pass.
Oh you know the ones, don't try pretending you don't. She's the mum who carefully patrols the 2 metre perimeter of the popular baby swings watching for the moment when one of the other kids asks to be lifted out. Then you see her pass in a blur as she sprints over, scoops up her little darling and hot foots it back to the newly available swing. And woe betide anyone who tries to get in her way. She is like a sniper with her eyes on the prize. A single vision dedication to the cause. She will get her baby onto that swing before anyone else. Because her child is the most important child of all.
Anyway I digress.
After last years Nativity-gate I was looking forward to a more professional production this year. Maybe she'd even get to play Mary? Well why not? Someone has to. So on Monday she nonchalantly told us that she was going to be the narrator in this years play. The narrator?? Are you kidding?? I shot Disapproving Dad a quick look before we both launched into the usual blurb of how important the narrator was and wasn't she lucky to be picked for that etc.
'Yeah' she says 'Daisy is the Queen'.
'Is she darling, well that's nice'.
'That's the main part of this play'.
'Mmm is it, well your part is really important too'.
'And last year she was Mary'.
'Was she now'.
'And she's got much more lines that me'.
'Yes well, she probably gets beheaded at the end you know'.
'And she gets to dress up'.
'Well I shouldn't worry about that darling - all those jewels and crowns are bound to be very uncomfortable'.
'I don't want to be the stupid narrator'.
'OF COURSE YOU DON'T!!  It's the mugs part - it sucks - it's like being on the outside of a fabulous game that everyone else is playing except you. Did I just say that out loud?'.

Anyway, today she came home and told me she gets to be a fairy too. So I guess I can put down that rifle now.


  1. Another "Cracker"(an apt description for this festive season!) of an article Katie.

  2. Love it. We have our Christmas Concert here tonight. We have an angel in the house.

  3. I was always, always the narrator, because I had a voice like a foghorn.
    My cousins little boy got bored of being a shepherd and started rummaging with his bits in full view of everybody. That was a little awkward.

  4. OH MY GOD. You have burst my bubble - I was always the narrator and have always thought it was because I am super important and mature. AND I can read aloud. REALLY REALLY WELL.

  5. I look forward to my own little Nativity-gate in a couple of years time (I guess? My girls are 18 months old). Can you imagine what it'll be like for me with two girls at the same time? Both fighting to be fairies? Or fighting NOT to be the narrator? BTW, in my latest post I indirectly refer to your earlier post on how to get 5 minutes peace....but the twist is how to get it on a double twin playdate! :-)

  6. To all the narrators in the house - I am SO sorry if I have rained on your parade. Mummysquared - I'm quite sure that YOU SPOKE REALLY WELL ON STAGE all those years ago.
    Zookeeper - thanks for the shoutout - will head over and have a read!

  7. OMG! I so love you! That was hilarious.

    "So, I guess I can put down that rifle now."

    Ah, I know that feeling.

  8. Okay so I am a drama teacher, and with that hat on I would say the narrator is the part you give to the bright sparks, who can read beautifully, fluently and hold people's attention. But hey that's meaningless to little ones - so glad they gave her the fairy too, and that you put the gun down Ms Gunn!

  9. Thanks for heading over to me so promptly. Yes 'building a good immune system' is literally my slummy mummy mantra!

  10. Have terrible feeling am one of those mothers everyone hates at the park b/c am always trying to get to the swings.

    But if we go to the park and the kids don't get on a swing they don't shut up about it for the rest of the day.

    I'm always very polite about it though. But still. Bugger.

  11. Hahaha, brilliant post! I look forward to seeing my girl in a play someday, although it reminded me of pre-baby days when hubby and I went to a dinner party and were incredulous upon spotting a card our hosts had written to their 4 year old who was given the part of "citizen" in the nativity play (that really does have to suck!). His parents wrote him a gushing card about him being the best citizen ever. We will probably do the very same some day too.


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