Monday, November 1, 2010

I've spawned a monster.

Not so long ago, possibly at the exact moment he blew out his second birthday candle my adorable 'baby' boy turned into a monster. Suddenly his sweet smiles disappeared and he started pushing his older brother and sister over, shouting in their faces with a 'yeah what are you gonna do about it?' attitude, blowing raspberries at anyone who dared not bow to his desires, and having tantrums that could light the street with if only you could harness the power of his explosions. Yep, the terrible two's have arrived.

At first I thought he was just having a bad day, then I thought maybe he was coming down with something, finally I realised that he was just being a pain in the ass. (Sorry Baxter but you brought it on yourself).

Unfortunately other people have now started to notice. Last week when my sister was due to babysit she called in to quiz me on the arrangements. 'And what about the devils spawn?' she asked with narrowed eyes, 'he will be sleeping won't he?' (Hey I know, but it was free babysitting - what could I say?).

Anyway, the reason I'm writing about this now is because we went to the shops this morning. Both monster boy and his older brother were in the trolley and I was doing the usual sprint around the aisles before the fighting, tears, tantrums started. I think we were by the carrotts when I saw it. In the corner of my eye I noticed his little two year old arm swing back and then with full force shoot forward. Then I watched in slow motion as a bulb of garlic flew through the air and - I kid you not - hit a well dressed woman on the head.

What did I do? I did what any self respecting, mortally embarrassed mother would do - I ducked. (Gosh how interesting all those different types of chillies are - I really must get  a closer look, even if they are on the bottom shelf, right by the floor...).
When it was safe to come out I tentitively emerged and made it around the rest of the shop until - horror! - there she was - heading to the tills at the same time as me. All I could do was try to get to the checkout that was furthest away from the one she was going to - which I can report worked very well.
Until, that is, the four year old cried out delightedly 'LOOK MUM, THERE'S THE LADY THAT BAXTER BOPPED ON THE HEAD'.
Cue red face and desperate shushing.
Oh God.
So whilst I slowly died of public embarrassment what did monster boy do? Smiled serenely in the trolley like this was the best day of his life.
Little devil - it probably was.


  1. Ooh that's a corker! Bless him though, at least it wasn't an orange. Or a watermelon.

  2. Hahaha that made me laugh. At least it was only your wee Baxter throwing fruit and vege around the store. I've had a well dressed elderly woman throw limes at me in the middle of Tescos

  3. What she said - you're right, it could have been a lot worse - she should count herself lucky!
    Vegemitevix - just read your post -quite unbelievable. If it happens again let me know and I'll set Baxter on her!

  4. Ha! Mine are 2 and 3. They out-tantrum each other. Girl is worse than boy. Girl can go to bed tantrumming, and then, in the morning say sweetly, "Mummy, what was I cross about?" think to herself and then continue. Son can be bought off with jelly sweets and toy motorbikes. In public, I just pretend i'm deaf.

  5. wow this post made me literally laugh out loud :0 but you have also brought dear into my sahm brain of a 16 month old.. ahh blimey. LOL nice read

    Crinthia @

  6. The terrible twos! Ah I remember it well, the only thing worse for me was terrible threes! When my son threw one I would pull him close with the scruff of his clothes and have a quiet word in his ear. "If you don't stop I will pull your pants down infront of all these people and smack your bottom" I never would have of course but he never knew that, it worked every time. Job done.

  7. Nice idea Zena but I think he might just spit in my face I did that...

  8. This post is hilarious! I'm now petrified about what I've got in store!

  9. Spit back! When I was little I went through a short fase of biting, that is until one day my dad bit me back, Never did it again!

  10. Hahaha you crack me up! I can totally relate (although my boy -4- has never thrown anything at anyone (yet) and I am relieved (maybe I should apologise) that I am not the only one who has to put up with embarrassing situations and tantrums in public!!! Following x

  11. Oh how funny, glad I am not the only person with a monster in the house. But it could have been a lot worse! xx

  12. That is hilarious! You have to laugh, I walked out the door the other day and turned around and both my Children were licking the frost off the car. I had to laugh.

  13. Haha, fantastic, they know how to get you everytime!

    Thanks for sharing this post for the Maternity Matters Meme xxx

  14. A funny but affectionate tale of what may lay ahead for me!

  15. Chuckling. I'm sure I'll find these tales hilarious until it happens to me...


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